As I sat in the little café waiting to finish my job interview, I began to wonder if it was even worth staying. When I had first gotten there, the manager hadn’t been anywhere in sight and the door was locked. I had to call him to remind him that I was there for my interview. Thankfully he was in the back preparing the food for his soon-to-be-arriving customers. He had invited me in, offered me some water, and said, “I’ll be right with you.” And that was an hour ago!
He had started the interview about 30 minutes before, but we got interrupted when several customers came in. It was evident that he needed help. Besides that, he had mentioned that his mother had unexpectedly been admitted to the hospital that morning, which explained his lateness. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it seemed like the perfect job, with hours only during lunchtime so that I could be home in time for when the kids get out of school.
By the time it was all said and done, it took all of 3 hours to complete the interview . . . but I had the job.
I went back the next day for “training.” The manager tended to belabor certain points that were unnecessary (I already know to be sure to wash your hands for at least 20 seconds, etc.), and unfortunately neglected the points that were absolutely necessary (I don’t know how to work the cash register). I knew I was in trouble when he sent me in search of a container of bacon and it was nowhere to be found. And then, the ultimate worst thing that could have happened . . . happened. Looking back, this would have made a great sitcom episode. After I had mopped up a spill that he specifically asked me to take care of, the manager proceeded to walk a little too quickly over that wet floor. Yes, he did fall. Quite hard, in fact. It’s been a long time since I was so mortified that I literally wanted to crawl under a rock and die. But this moment definitely had me wishing I was only dreaming.
I got sent home early that day because the manager got called away to an emergency at one of his other restaurants, so I didn’t even get to learn how to close up shop. And I had the weekend to mull over every grotesque, disappointing detail of the day’s events. After much fretting and advice-seeking, I decided to give the job one more chance on Monday. That is, until the manager failed to show up. I had even gotten myself there early so that I could help him set up, and the man wasn’t even there yet when it was time to open up for customers. And of course I couldn’t get inside to prepare the food, and he hadn’t called me to let me know anything.
As I walked away from that building, I knew I’d never be going back. I soon left the manager a voice mail on his cell phone, wishing him luck in his business endeavors while explaining that this type of chaos and uncertainty was not the job for me.
Afterwards I began to ask myself, why did this happen to me? What in the world am I supposed to learn from this? I eventually came to accept that maybe the lesson in this was to listen to my gut in future . . . so that the next time I sit through a broken 3-hour interview, maybe I will figure out a little quicker that this isn’t right for me.
But today, I am realizing that maybe the lesson goes a little bit deeper. I realize now that the only reason I even tried to get that job in the first place was because I was extremely anxious about my family’s financial situation. And why was I so anxious? Perhaps I was placing too much value on financial security. Perhaps I was impatient with God and His timing. Perhaps I wasn’t believing that He would provide at all!
I can see now that I tried to take control of the situation myself, rather than letting God have control. I jumped ahead of Him and His will, frantically searching for something, anything, that would give us more financial security. Now I know that my family’s well-being depends on however God chooses to provide for us, even if we don’t have what I would call “financial security.” And now I remember that God never forgets or neglects His children. His timing is perfect. He is in control for a reason – He is God! Not me! And He will show me how to follow Him into whatever way He leads me.
So now here I am, getting ready to eat an early lunch before reporting to my new part-time job as a substitute lunch supervisor at my children’s elementary school down the street. I found out about this job through a new friend who used to do the same thing herself. I work 2 hours – 1 hour at my kids’ school, and the next hour at a school down the road. Being a substitute can be challenging, but they’ve already told me that next year I may get to be permanent with a class of my own. How perfect is that?!
God, thank You for Your provision. Thank You for growing my trust and peace, and for teaching me to be continually, expectantly watching for what You will do.
If I’m learning anything since moving to Chicago, I’m learning to wait upon the Lord.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Passions and other ramblings
I have so many things tumbling around in my brain right now . . . so please excuse my horribly random post today. But I just had to get some of this out there. I’ll appreciate any prayers, encouragement, advice, insight, etc.
Passion #1: Drama
No, not the kind of thing that is infamously associated with “drama queens.” But rather, the theatre. And music. I am not musically talented at all. In fact, I never took lessons for any type of instrument. But I absolutely love all kinds of music. I even have this strange partiality for movie soundtracks. There’s nothing like a great movie with great music. Which leads to the real root of my drama passion – my love of storytelling.
Not long after I totally committed my life to Christ in college, I got to have several experiences working with different types of drama ministries. I even got to lead a drama team at the church we were working with in Colorado before our kids were born. I can’t adequately put into words how much I loved each of these experiences. And I’m not even particularly talented in acting, writing, or any of those things. But I started noticing an interesting development . . . sometimes when I would hear a new song, I would suddenly get inspired with an idea for a story that could go along with that music.
This still happens to me today. When this happens, I’ll listen to the song over and over, while the story takes form in my mind. In the past when I was working with the drama ministries, I was able to actually take some of my ideas and make them a reality. I have written, produced, directed, acted in, and organized several small productions. But lately I’ve had new ideas that just swarm around and around in my mind with no tangible outlet. I’m not part of a drama team right now!
So I decided to start writing down my ideas. This is a slow process, since I don’t have a lot of spare time. But maybe one day I’ll find an outlet for my stories – something that is totally God-honoring, outreaching, and fulfilling. After all, Jesus was a story teller too. I just know He will show me a creative way to live this passion out.
Passion #2: NICU Ministry
After my son’s premature birth, my depression, and everything else that went along with all that, God planted a desire in my heart – to reach out to other parents going through similar circumstances (having a child in the NICU) with practical helps and genuine encouragement in the name of Christ. It was even something that Jeromy and I talked about together. It’s a shared passion for us. Although, it was just an idea at first. We didn’t even live near a hospital at the time. And what do we know about starting a non-profit ministry? So the idea got pushed to the back burner for quite some time.
But now here we are in Chicagoland, only 5 minutes away from a hospital with a large NICU, and surrounded by millions of people who don’t know Christ. Needless to say, the back burner is flaring up! I did some research online and found a similar ministry in Alabama. I have tried contacting the leader several times but haven’t been able to touch base yet. I really want to ask her some questions and get any tips, pointers, and suggestions that she may have. But whether that works out or not, I still feel like this idea is from the Lord. So if we have to forge ahead on our own, so be it!
The first things we have to do include finding out about starting a non-profit, as well as figuring out how in the world we can get a connection at the hospital so that we can actually go in there. Then of course there will have to be fundraising and volunteer recruiting. We want to begin the ministry by making small care packages for the parents with children in the NICU. Here is a link to the ministry in Alabama: http://nicufootprints.org/about.html We hope to do something similar.
Other Ramblings
The kids are really keeping me on my toes these days. My son has entered a new phase -- story telling . . . hmm, maybe he’s like me? One day he came home telling us that his teacher brought her dog to school. Then the next week he said she brought two dogs, a boy and a girl. Then one day the story was that the dogs had puppies, and the kids in the class got to hold them. He even told me that they took the dogs to the gym and played Frisbee with them.
So the first time he told me about a dog visiting school, I thought it was possible and didn’t really question him much. But as the story grew, I knew something wasn’t right. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was creating this elaborate tale. As parent-teacher conferences approached, I decided to confront him about it. But gently, of course.
Me: So, can I ask your teacher about these dogs?
Eli: No, don’t do that!
Me: Why not? I want to ask Ms. R. about them. They sound so neat.
Eli: Well, she doesn’t like to talk to the parents.
Me: Are you sure? She’s talked to me before, and she seems really nice.
Eli: Well actually, she does like to, but she’s not used to it.
Me: But I really want to see those dogs, they sound so cute! I think I’ll ask her about them at the conference.
Eli: No, you can’t!
Me: Eli, I need to ask you something. Are you telling me the truth, or are you telling me a story about these dogs? Are you making this up?
Eli: No! It’s not a story! Look at me, am I smiling? [He proceeds to make a very serious face to prove that he’s not lying.]
Me: Eli, I need to know if you’re telling the truth or not. If you tell me stories, how will I ever know if you’re telling the truth?
Eli: Mom, I’m not making it up!
So yesterday we had his parent-teacher conference . . . and when Jeromy said he was going to ask the teacher about the dogs, Eli said, “No, you can’t. The dogs are dead!”
Passion #1: Drama
No, not the kind of thing that is infamously associated with “drama queens.” But rather, the theatre. And music. I am not musically talented at all. In fact, I never took lessons for any type of instrument. But I absolutely love all kinds of music. I even have this strange partiality for movie soundtracks. There’s nothing like a great movie with great music. Which leads to the real root of my drama passion – my love of storytelling.
Not long after I totally committed my life to Christ in college, I got to have several experiences working with different types of drama ministries. I even got to lead a drama team at the church we were working with in Colorado before our kids were born. I can’t adequately put into words how much I loved each of these experiences. And I’m not even particularly talented in acting, writing, or any of those things. But I started noticing an interesting development . . . sometimes when I would hear a new song, I would suddenly get inspired with an idea for a story that could go along with that music.
This still happens to me today. When this happens, I’ll listen to the song over and over, while the story takes form in my mind. In the past when I was working with the drama ministries, I was able to actually take some of my ideas and make them a reality. I have written, produced, directed, acted in, and organized several small productions. But lately I’ve had new ideas that just swarm around and around in my mind with no tangible outlet. I’m not part of a drama team right now!
So I decided to start writing down my ideas. This is a slow process, since I don’t have a lot of spare time. But maybe one day I’ll find an outlet for my stories – something that is totally God-honoring, outreaching, and fulfilling. After all, Jesus was a story teller too. I just know He will show me a creative way to live this passion out.
Passion #2: NICU Ministry
After my son’s premature birth, my depression, and everything else that went along with all that, God planted a desire in my heart – to reach out to other parents going through similar circumstances (having a child in the NICU) with practical helps and genuine encouragement in the name of Christ. It was even something that Jeromy and I talked about together. It’s a shared passion for us. Although, it was just an idea at first. We didn’t even live near a hospital at the time. And what do we know about starting a non-profit ministry? So the idea got pushed to the back burner for quite some time.
But now here we are in Chicagoland, only 5 minutes away from a hospital with a large NICU, and surrounded by millions of people who don’t know Christ. Needless to say, the back burner is flaring up! I did some research online and found a similar ministry in Alabama. I have tried contacting the leader several times but haven’t been able to touch base yet. I really want to ask her some questions and get any tips, pointers, and suggestions that she may have. But whether that works out or not, I still feel like this idea is from the Lord. So if we have to forge ahead on our own, so be it!
The first things we have to do include finding out about starting a non-profit, as well as figuring out how in the world we can get a connection at the hospital so that we can actually go in there. Then of course there will have to be fundraising and volunteer recruiting. We want to begin the ministry by making small care packages for the parents with children in the NICU. Here is a link to the ministry in Alabama: http://nicufootprints.org/about.html We hope to do something similar.
Other Ramblings
The kids are really keeping me on my toes these days. My son has entered a new phase -- story telling . . . hmm, maybe he’s like me? One day he came home telling us that his teacher brought her dog to school. Then the next week he said she brought two dogs, a boy and a girl. Then one day the story was that the dogs had puppies, and the kids in the class got to hold them. He even told me that they took the dogs to the gym and played Frisbee with them.
So the first time he told me about a dog visiting school, I thought it was possible and didn’t really question him much. But as the story grew, I knew something wasn’t right. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was creating this elaborate tale. As parent-teacher conferences approached, I decided to confront him about it. But gently, of course.
Me: So, can I ask your teacher about these dogs?
Eli: No, don’t do that!
Me: Why not? I want to ask Ms. R. about them. They sound so neat.
Eli: Well, she doesn’t like to talk to the parents.
Me: Are you sure? She’s talked to me before, and she seems really nice.
Eli: Well actually, she does like to, but she’s not used to it.
Me: But I really want to see those dogs, they sound so cute! I think I’ll ask her about them at the conference.
Eli: No, you can’t!
Me: Eli, I need to ask you something. Are you telling me the truth, or are you telling me a story about these dogs? Are you making this up?
Eli: No! It’s not a story! Look at me, am I smiling? [He proceeds to make a very serious face to prove that he’s not lying.]
Me: Eli, I need to know if you’re telling the truth or not. If you tell me stories, how will I ever know if you’re telling the truth?
Eli: Mom, I’m not making it up!
So yesterday we had his parent-teacher conference . . . and when Jeromy said he was going to ask the teacher about the dogs, Eli said, “No, you can’t. The dogs are dead!”
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
JOY !!!
I just left my daughter's room after tucking her in tonight, and she is still singing. We always let her read for a little while before we call for "lights out," and tonight was no exception. One of the books I gave my first grader this time was "The Wise and Foolish Builders" by Arch Books. And she was singing the words, not just reading them. When I went to tuck her in, she was just bursting with joy and energy (after being home sick from school all day!).
"Mom, can I just read you these two pages? They are just so awesome:
In this short story Jesus is
The solid Rock and we are His
Those who believe in Him alone
Are built upon this Cornerstone.
The storms of life? There will be some.
But on this Rock you'll overcome.
Through all the troubles that you'll face
He'll show you His amazing grace. [I just love that part, Mom. I like to sing it.]
When all the storms of life are done,
And life is gone like setting sun,
He'll take you to a splendid place
Where you will see Him face-to-face.
No floods or storms will harm you there;
No sickness, death or worried care.
You'll live forever with the Lord.
The Rock of Ages gave His word.
"I just love that so much. I don't know, it just makes me so happy. And I'm proud of myself for asking Jesus to be in my heart. And I'm so thankful that people make books like that. I don't know who wrote it, but they didn't just write it like blah. They wrote the details and explained it all. I guess they just read the story in the Bible and thought 'I'm gonna write a book about that!' And you know, that gave me an idea. At school I want to write about this kind of stuff, but I'm kinda nervous. Because you know some people believe in Him, and some people don't. But maybe if I did, maybe it would make someone else's heart just explode with happiness! It makes MY heart explode. Even my friend ________, since I know she doesn't really know about Jesus... but maybe if she read my story she would ask me questions and I could tell her. Because Jesus wants us to share about Him. I think that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write a story about God at school. I don't know why, but I'm just so happy!"
Yes, she literally said all that and more while barely stopping to take a breath! For the last week or two I've been thinking about the concept of the joy of the Lord, and what that really looks like. Well, without a doubt, I have seen it tonight. This tiny paragraph in my blog doesn't do justice to what I witnessed flowing out of my daughter tonight, but hopefully you can at least catch a glimpse of it. And more importantly, I hope that you have this same Joy flowing within your heart, too.
I've got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
J-O-Y down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
Jesus put it there, and nothing can destroy it
I've got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
"Mom, can I just read you these two pages? They are just so awesome:
In this short story Jesus is
The solid Rock and we are His
Those who believe in Him alone
Are built upon this Cornerstone.
The storms of life? There will be some.
But on this Rock you'll overcome.
Through all the troubles that you'll face
He'll show you His amazing grace. [I just love that part, Mom. I like to sing it.]
When all the storms of life are done,
And life is gone like setting sun,
He'll take you to a splendid place
Where you will see Him face-to-face.
No floods or storms will harm you there;
No sickness, death or worried care.
You'll live forever with the Lord.
The Rock of Ages gave His word.
"I just love that so much. I don't know, it just makes me so happy. And I'm proud of myself for asking Jesus to be in my heart. And I'm so thankful that people make books like that. I don't know who wrote it, but they didn't just write it like blah. They wrote the details and explained it all. I guess they just read the story in the Bible and thought 'I'm gonna write a book about that!' And you know, that gave me an idea. At school I want to write about this kind of stuff, but I'm kinda nervous. Because you know some people believe in Him, and some people don't. But maybe if I did, maybe it would make someone else's heart just explode with happiness! It makes MY heart explode. Even my friend ________, since I know she doesn't really know about Jesus... but maybe if she read my story she would ask me questions and I could tell her. Because Jesus wants us to share about Him. I think that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write a story about God at school. I don't know why, but I'm just so happy!"
Yes, she literally said all that and more while barely stopping to take a breath! For the last week or two I've been thinking about the concept of the joy of the Lord, and what that really looks like. Well, without a doubt, I have seen it tonight. This tiny paragraph in my blog doesn't do justice to what I witnessed flowing out of my daughter tonight, but hopefully you can at least catch a glimpse of it. And more importantly, I hope that you have this same Joy flowing within your heart, too.
I've got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
J-O-Y down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
Jesus put it there, and nothing can destroy it
I've got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
7th Annual Prematurity Awareness Day
"Nov. 17 marks the 7th Annual Prematurity Awareness Day, a time when March of Dimes volunteers and parents draw attention to the crisis of premature birth (birth before 37 weeks gestation) and its toll on babies and families. Preterm birth is a serious health problem that costs the United States more than $26 billion annually. It is the leading cause of newborn death and babies who survive an early birth often face the risk of lifelong health challenges, such as breathing problems, mental retardation and others. Even babies born just a few weeks too soon (34-36 weeks gestation, also known as late preterm) have higher rates of death and disability than full-term babies." (http://www.marchofdimes.com/)
Below are some excerpts from a journal I was keeping for my son, Eli, when he was born premature at only 30 weeks gestation.
March 11, 2005 . . . Last night I went into preterm labor . . . It was totally unexpected, and there was really no warning whatsoever. Your dad and I had been watching TV around 9:45 p.m., and as soon as I stood up I knew something was seriously wrong. My water broke, and I was bleeding heavily. We called 911 right away . . . I was so scared, little one. I thought for sure we were going to lose you. I even thought that my life might be in danger. Once the paramedics arrived, it seemed like it took forever to get me on the stretcher and into the ambulance. They didn't want me to get up at all so they had to lift me. By the time we got to the hospital, I was starting to have mild contractions. The doctor came in to check me and did an ultrasound. When I heard your heartbeat pop up on those monitors, I was so relieved. We knew they'd have to do a c-section eventually because you were breech, but they gave me some medicine to try and slow down the labor. They also gave me a shot to help develop your lungs. As the hours went by, my contractions kept getting worse, and I knew you would be born soon. They started prepping me for the c-section around 4:00 a.m., and at 4:46 a.m. you were born. But I didn't get to see you for a long time. After I came out of the recovery room, they wheeled my bed into the NICU and let me look at you. You weighed 3 lbs and 1/2 oz, and you were 15 3/4 inches long. I couldn't hold you, but I could touch you. And I talked to you. When I said, "I love you," you opened your eyes for the very first time. It was amazing! The next time I got to see you was nearly 10 hours later when they had decided to move you to another hospital. Before they loaded your incubator up into the ambulance, they let me hold you. You were attached to all kinds of wires and machines . . . I cried when you left. When you got to the other hospital, they had to put you on a ventilator because the trip exhausted you.
Two days later . . . They have been giving you IV fluids and medicine to regulate your blood pressure. They took you off the ventilator today, and you're getting supplemental oxygen from a CPAP machine now. They have also been monitoring your heart, because there is a valve that needs to close. The nurses also give you a daily dose of caffeine to help remind your body to breathe and everything. Now that you're off the ventilator, we can finally hold you.
March 15, 2005 . . . They have put you under the photo-therapy lights for jaundice. I got to help feed you through your feeding tube today. Every day you are getting stronger. But it's hard not to watch your monitors all the time to make see if you're okay. All the numbers and beeps can be nerve-wracking.
The next week . . . I just love it when you open your eyes and look at me. We hold you constantly when we come to visit you every day in the hospital. I hate leaving you. I can't wait to bring you home.
Eli finally did get to come on April 17, 2005, after spending 5 weeks in the hospital. He remained on oxygen for 5 more weeks after that. But he overcame every problem, and today is a very healthy, strong, and extremely active 5 year old boy!
But some babies are not that fortunate. Let's remember them today, and do what we can to help all babies have the chance to be born healthy and full-term. Go to http://www.marchofdimes.com/ to see how you can help.
Eli on the ventilator
CPAP machine
Eli in the incubator
On oxygen, waiting to go home
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
He Did It Again
God did it again. He sent me unmerited encouragement again, at a time when I was really discouraged. Why does He continue to do this for me? It’s like the song by Casting Crowns . . . “Who am I that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name? Would care to feel my hurt?” The irony is, I know in my heart of hearts that He has been doing this for me for a long time. But I am just now noticing. I can remember times when I was really down, and it seemed like there was nothing good going on around me -- like drowning in a sea of hopelessness. I was blinded to anything good, positive, or encouraging. But that is fortunately not the case right now! By the grace of God, I have been seeing God’s “little” blessings for what they really are … personal gifts from my heavenly Father. I say “little” because sometimes they really are just little things. But in all actuality they are beautiful love notes and personalized gifts, intentionally designed and strategically timed to encourage me just when I need it.
And He is doing this for you, too! The Bible talks about God giving good gifts to His children (Matt. 7 and Luke 11). It also reminds us that every good and perfect gift is from God (James 1:17). But since I know everybody loves to hear people’s personal stories, I’ll share some of the specific things that have happened to me lately.
Within the last month or so, I have invited some ladies into our home on Friday mornings for a prayer meeting. We are also trying to encourage one another to serve others in practical ways, loving them in the name of Christ. There were a few newfound friends that I wanted to invite, but I wasn’t sure whether they would feel comfortable joining a group like this. But after praying about it, I invited them anyway. They graciously said thanks but no thanks, but one of them opened up and shared some personal struggles with me. I felt the Lord leading me to respond, so I did. What got me down was the fact that she never really responded back. So after about a week, I was really starting to wonder if I had completely repelled her. I was so discouraged, feeling like a failure. But on my lowest day, God sent me a gift. It came in the form of another friend who is really going through a low time herself right now – dealing with such sadness that I couldn’t believe how sorry I had been feeling for myself. And this is a friend who has been slow to get to know, since I don’t get to see her very much. By letting me reach out to this woman, God reminded me that I need to trust in His timing and in His leading. Through this woman’s hug and tears, God showed me that I can’t discount my experience with the other friend either. When we reach out to love someone in His name, it is never in vain.
Another struggle we’ve had lately is my husband’s search for a job. Since moving to Chicagoland, both of us have been able to pick up little part-time jobs here and there, but nothing with any real stability or sufficient income. Being bi-vocational missionaries, we need to create our own sources of income. Recently, Jeromy had an interview for a great full-time position nearby, and we’ve spent a couple of weeks waiting for a decision. I think we both really had our hopes up for this one, since the timing seemed so perfect for our suddenly increasing need. But today we found out that he didn’t get it. I can’t deny my disappointment or the words ringing in my head, “What are we going to do?” But then, God did it again. On the way home from picking up my son from kindergarten, we stopped to talk with a neighbor. This older gentleman and my son have become good buddies. Before we left, he offered us some frozen pizzas that came from a family member’s place of employment. What a gift! It seems small, and may be insignificant to that man… but what a blessing for our family. As we walked to the house with our pizzas in tow, my mind was suddenly flooded with memories of other unrequested gifts like this one that God had given us recently -- clothes for our kids, fresh tomatoes, gift cards, homemade spaghetti sauce, a trip for the kids to Chuck E Cheese, furniture, bedding, and even outdoor fall decorations. And all given by the hands of friends and neighbors that we came here to minister to! Perhaps unbeknownst to them, God is ministering to us through them.
And on top of all that, God has laid it upon certain people’s hearts to give financially to our ministry efforts here. We even recently received a beautiful care package from a church “back home” that included several gift cards and other goodies. What an awesome reminder that God not only provides for our most basic needs, but He also takes the time to send us personalized gifts that go above and beyond mere provision. And because of this, I can rest – I can trust Him to make a way for those most basic needs to be met.
The God of Heaven and earth, the one and only true God, is full of love and mercy and grace. He is continually sending us a never-ending shower of blessings every day, if we will just look around and take notice. Praise Him!
Thank You, Father.
Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord. (Ps. 102:18)
And He is doing this for you, too! The Bible talks about God giving good gifts to His children (Matt. 7 and Luke 11). It also reminds us that every good and perfect gift is from God (James 1:17). But since I know everybody loves to hear people’s personal stories, I’ll share some of the specific things that have happened to me lately.
Within the last month or so, I have invited some ladies into our home on Friday mornings for a prayer meeting. We are also trying to encourage one another to serve others in practical ways, loving them in the name of Christ. There were a few newfound friends that I wanted to invite, but I wasn’t sure whether they would feel comfortable joining a group like this. But after praying about it, I invited them anyway. They graciously said thanks but no thanks, but one of them opened up and shared some personal struggles with me. I felt the Lord leading me to respond, so I did. What got me down was the fact that she never really responded back. So after about a week, I was really starting to wonder if I had completely repelled her. I was so discouraged, feeling like a failure. But on my lowest day, God sent me a gift. It came in the form of another friend who is really going through a low time herself right now – dealing with such sadness that I couldn’t believe how sorry I had been feeling for myself. And this is a friend who has been slow to get to know, since I don’t get to see her very much. By letting me reach out to this woman, God reminded me that I need to trust in His timing and in His leading. Through this woman’s hug and tears, God showed me that I can’t discount my experience with the other friend either. When we reach out to love someone in His name, it is never in vain.
Another struggle we’ve had lately is my husband’s search for a job. Since moving to Chicagoland, both of us have been able to pick up little part-time jobs here and there, but nothing with any real stability or sufficient income. Being bi-vocational missionaries, we need to create our own sources of income. Recently, Jeromy had an interview for a great full-time position nearby, and we’ve spent a couple of weeks waiting for a decision. I think we both really had our hopes up for this one, since the timing seemed so perfect for our suddenly increasing need. But today we found out that he didn’t get it. I can’t deny my disappointment or the words ringing in my head, “What are we going to do?” But then, God did it again. On the way home from picking up my son from kindergarten, we stopped to talk with a neighbor. This older gentleman and my son have become good buddies. Before we left, he offered us some frozen pizzas that came from a family member’s place of employment. What a gift! It seems small, and may be insignificant to that man… but what a blessing for our family. As we walked to the house with our pizzas in tow, my mind was suddenly flooded with memories of other unrequested gifts like this one that God had given us recently -- clothes for our kids, fresh tomatoes, gift cards, homemade spaghetti sauce, a trip for the kids to Chuck E Cheese, furniture, bedding, and even outdoor fall decorations. And all given by the hands of friends and neighbors that we came here to minister to! Perhaps unbeknownst to them, God is ministering to us through them.
And on top of all that, God has laid it upon certain people’s hearts to give financially to our ministry efforts here. We even recently received a beautiful care package from a church “back home” that included several gift cards and other goodies. What an awesome reminder that God not only provides for our most basic needs, but He also takes the time to send us personalized gifts that go above and beyond mere provision. And because of this, I can rest – I can trust Him to make a way for those most basic needs to be met.
The God of Heaven and earth, the one and only true God, is full of love and mercy and grace. He is continually sending us a never-ending shower of blessings every day, if we will just look around and take notice. Praise Him!
Thank You, Father.
Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord. (Ps. 102:18)
Monday, September 6, 2010
Call to Battle
War has been declared. The battle lines have been drawn. That ancient serpent has transformed into a prowling lion, disguised as an angel of light. And although we know and believe with faith that the Lord of hosts has the victory already in-hand . . . we cannot see it yet. We are still constricted to the here-and-now of flesh and earth, with the war raging around us in the spiritual realm.
Some of us are fighting hard on the front-lines, right in the middle of the action, receiving fire from all sides. Some of us have been wounded and left for dead, possibly even by the hand of a brother or sister. Some of us have fought for a while, off and on – but when the battle requires too much effort, we shrink back and retreat to hide. Some of us are sitting on the sidelines in our recliners, eating popcorn and just watching. Unity and purpose elude us.
But as you look around, you begin to notice something . . . we are not the only ones on the battlefield with the enemy! There are others all around us, those who are not among the believers. They have no armor like us, and they are taking hits as well! Some of them have been wounded and left for dead. Some of them are wandering around amidst the chaos, not knowing which way to go or what to do. They look like lost children. Some of them are angrily fighting against us, with everything that’s in them.
Another thing you may not have noticed is that your Commander is right next to you. And He is constantly speaking to you. Sometimes the battle is so loud that it’s hard to hear His voice. So turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. Then you will hear His commands.
He is reminding you that you not only have armor on to protect you, but you also have a sword to fight with. His call is: “Do not be afraid! Because I am with you. And who am I? The Son of God, the Lord of hosts, the King of kings. I am all-powerful and all-knowing. I have strategically placed you in this very place for a purpose. I am calling you to engage in this battle with Me. And it is not you, but I who will do this work. Because I love you.”
He gestures to the fallen and wounded: “You must go to them and help them. I will show you what to do.” He gestures to those wandering like lost children: “You must guide them and show them the way to Me.” He gestures to those on the front lines, being bloodied by the heat of the battle: “You must go and fight alongside them, holding up their weary arms.” He gestures to those hiding and those on the sidelines: “You must be an example before them, so that they will see what a child of Mine is supposed to be like.” He gestures to those who are fighting against us: “You must not fight back against them, but instead you must bless them and love them. I will give you the strength to do all these things.”
Then the Commander turns to look at you, with tears in His eyes. “Because I love them, too.”
So let’s put on our war paint and armor, grab our swords, and get out there and show Christ’s love to the world. But I say we go beyond just talking about it. Let’s LIVE it. God has already put you in a community . . . let’s be the community. Let’s put on some good walking shoes, get off our duffs, and be INTENTIONAL. Let’s show the world what the Kingdom of God really looks like. Let’s make it something tangible, not just lofty words or ideals.
If at this point you’re still not motivated, think about that one person you love who doesn’t follow Jesus. There’s got to be at least one person you really care about who needs to know Christ in a real, personal way. (If not, then you need to get out there and meet some more people!) Picture that person in your mind’s eye. Now picture Jesus there too. Think about how wonderful it would be to see that person running to Jesus and falling into His embrace. Right now, there are obstacles in the way. But the Son of God can destroy the devil’s work! Let’s pray and move toward that end.
We will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace us in His arms
and in the arms of our dear Savior
there are ten thousand charms
Some of us are fighting hard on the front-lines, right in the middle of the action, receiving fire from all sides. Some of us have been wounded and left for dead, possibly even by the hand of a brother or sister. Some of us have fought for a while, off and on – but when the battle requires too much effort, we shrink back and retreat to hide. Some of us are sitting on the sidelines in our recliners, eating popcorn and just watching. Unity and purpose elude us.
But as you look around, you begin to notice something . . . we are not the only ones on the battlefield with the enemy! There are others all around us, those who are not among the believers. They have no armor like us, and they are taking hits as well! Some of them have been wounded and left for dead. Some of them are wandering around amidst the chaos, not knowing which way to go or what to do. They look like lost children. Some of them are angrily fighting against us, with everything that’s in them.
Another thing you may not have noticed is that your Commander is right next to you. And He is constantly speaking to you. Sometimes the battle is so loud that it’s hard to hear His voice. So turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. Then you will hear His commands.
He is reminding you that you not only have armor on to protect you, but you also have a sword to fight with. His call is: “Do not be afraid! Because I am with you. And who am I? The Son of God, the Lord of hosts, the King of kings. I am all-powerful and all-knowing. I have strategically placed you in this very place for a purpose. I am calling you to engage in this battle with Me. And it is not you, but I who will do this work. Because I love you.”
He gestures to the fallen and wounded: “You must go to them and help them. I will show you what to do.” He gestures to those wandering like lost children: “You must guide them and show them the way to Me.” He gestures to those on the front lines, being bloodied by the heat of the battle: “You must go and fight alongside them, holding up their weary arms.” He gestures to those hiding and those on the sidelines: “You must be an example before them, so that they will see what a child of Mine is supposed to be like.” He gestures to those who are fighting against us: “You must not fight back against them, but instead you must bless them and love them. I will give you the strength to do all these things.”
Then the Commander turns to look at you, with tears in His eyes. “Because I love them, too.”
So let’s put on our war paint and armor, grab our swords, and get out there and show Christ’s love to the world. But I say we go beyond just talking about it. Let’s LIVE it. God has already put you in a community . . . let’s be the community. Let’s put on some good walking shoes, get off our duffs, and be INTENTIONAL. Let’s show the world what the Kingdom of God really looks like. Let’s make it something tangible, not just lofty words or ideals.
If at this point you’re still not motivated, think about that one person you love who doesn’t follow Jesus. There’s got to be at least one person you really care about who needs to know Christ in a real, personal way. (If not, then you need to get out there and meet some more people!) Picture that person in your mind’s eye. Now picture Jesus there too. Think about how wonderful it would be to see that person running to Jesus and falling into His embrace. Right now, there are obstacles in the way. But the Son of God can destroy the devil’s work! Let’s pray and move toward that end.
We will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace us in His arms
and in the arms of our dear Savior
there are ten thousand charms
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Memoirs of a Summer Missionary
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . . I was a summer missionary. For ten weeks during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college, I volunteered to serve as a missionary in Topeka, Kansas. In the hopes that you won’t do the math on my age, that was twelve years ago. Twelve years may not seem like much, but a lot has changed in that amount of time!
The reason I’m writing about this is because we have had a young lady staying with us for the better part of the summer doing the same thing. Interestingly, she is my namesake, and she is from the South. But that is where the extent of our shared experiences ends. As I have watched her connecting with family and friends back home via Facebook and texting, it has made me reflect back on my own lack of communication when I was an SM.
I was only nineteen when I signed up to serve. I honestly had no idea what was in store for me that summer. I had only been on two short-term (one week) mission trips with the BCM group at my college. So ten weeks away from home sounded like a grand, somewhat intimidating adventure. Ironically, it was my husband that convinced me to apply (although we just dating at the time). Jeromy was going to be headed to Colorado for the second time as an SM. I don’t remember having a strong preference as to where I wanted to go, so I ended up in the ever-fascinating, very flat state of Kansas.
The day I left, some of my family came with Jeromy to see me off at the McDonald’s parking lot where I joined the Alabama caravan of missionaries. Approximately ten of us loaded ourselves and our belongings into a 15-passenger van and a small trailer in the back. And let me assure you, there were no laptops or cell phones in our possession. Imagine if you will, ten young people driving across the country like that, and with no supervision. I think the most memorable part of the trip was when one of the guys passed out on the side of the road while we were trying to take a picture of the group in front of a “Welcome to [insert state name here]” sign.
Thankfully, we all made it to our destinations safe and sound. I ended up living with this terrific family who had three daughters, ranging in age from toddler to preteen. They really welcomed me and my giant duffle bag into their home. I don’t think I ever really wore out my welcome, unless you count the time they went out of town for a week and I accidentally let their swimming pool turn green. They even graciously accepted my lovesickness and endless letter-writing to Jeromy. You see, as I said before, these were the days before Facebook, instant messaging, and cell phone texting. We had a limited landline phone card and “snail mail.” To this day, we have saved the letters we wrote to one another during that summer, and they fill up two huge three-ring binders. I bet our parents spent a fortune on stamps that summer!
One of the first weeks I was there, I went with a youth group to a week-long camp. That was a hard week for me, because I didn’t really know anybody yet. And being at the camp, I didn’t have much access to a phone. There was only one pay phone on site, and I could only get to it maybe twice the entire week.
Being cut off from communicating with my family and friends back home was certainly difficult at times. But I honestly think it was good for me. It forced me to turn to the Lord more, and to rely on Him to be my companion. Which is the kind of relationship He desires with all of us anyway! Unfortunately, I think the technological advances made in recent years have become more of a detriment than a benefit, especially for people like our SM. Some of our co-workers here in Chicagoland also have SM’s working with them, and they have made the same observations. It’s hard to explain without sounding negative, but I think that these young people are really missing out on some special, intimate times with the Lord. If they didn’t have such easy access to friends and family back home, they’d have to do as I did just twelve years ago – find out firsthand what Jesus meant when He described Himself as our friend.
Obviously we can’t go back in time, or reverse the effects of technology. I’m not even saying that I want to do that. But perhaps there is a way we can find a balance. Perhaps we can somehow manage to teach the next generation what it truly means to be still and know that He is God. This is my goal. And something very valuable that I learned about when I was a summer missionary.
The reason I’m writing about this is because we have had a young lady staying with us for the better part of the summer doing the same thing. Interestingly, she is my namesake, and she is from the South. But that is where the extent of our shared experiences ends. As I have watched her connecting with family and friends back home via Facebook and texting, it has made me reflect back on my own lack of communication when I was an SM.
I was only nineteen when I signed up to serve. I honestly had no idea what was in store for me that summer. I had only been on two short-term (one week) mission trips with the BCM group at my college. So ten weeks away from home sounded like a grand, somewhat intimidating adventure. Ironically, it was my husband that convinced me to apply (although we just dating at the time). Jeromy was going to be headed to Colorado for the second time as an SM. I don’t remember having a strong preference as to where I wanted to go, so I ended up in the ever-fascinating, very flat state of Kansas.
The day I left, some of my family came with Jeromy to see me off at the McDonald’s parking lot where I joined the Alabama caravan of missionaries. Approximately ten of us loaded ourselves and our belongings into a 15-passenger van and a small trailer in the back. And let me assure you, there were no laptops or cell phones in our possession. Imagine if you will, ten young people driving across the country like that, and with no supervision. I think the most memorable part of the trip was when one of the guys passed out on the side of the road while we were trying to take a picture of the group in front of a “Welcome to [insert state name here]” sign.
Thankfully, we all made it to our destinations safe and sound. I ended up living with this terrific family who had three daughters, ranging in age from toddler to preteen. They really welcomed me and my giant duffle bag into their home. I don’t think I ever really wore out my welcome, unless you count the time they went out of town for a week and I accidentally let their swimming pool turn green. They even graciously accepted my lovesickness and endless letter-writing to Jeromy. You see, as I said before, these were the days before Facebook, instant messaging, and cell phone texting. We had a limited landline phone card and “snail mail.” To this day, we have saved the letters we wrote to one another during that summer, and they fill up two huge three-ring binders. I bet our parents spent a fortune on stamps that summer!
One of the first weeks I was there, I went with a youth group to a week-long camp. That was a hard week for me, because I didn’t really know anybody yet. And being at the camp, I didn’t have much access to a phone. There was only one pay phone on site, and I could only get to it maybe twice the entire week.
Being cut off from communicating with my family and friends back home was certainly difficult at times. But I honestly think it was good for me. It forced me to turn to the Lord more, and to rely on Him to be my companion. Which is the kind of relationship He desires with all of us anyway! Unfortunately, I think the technological advances made in recent years have become more of a detriment than a benefit, especially for people like our SM. Some of our co-workers here in Chicagoland also have SM’s working with them, and they have made the same observations. It’s hard to explain without sounding negative, but I think that these young people are really missing out on some special, intimate times with the Lord. If they didn’t have such easy access to friends and family back home, they’d have to do as I did just twelve years ago – find out firsthand what Jesus meant when He described Himself as our friend.
Obviously we can’t go back in time, or reverse the effects of technology. I’m not even saying that I want to do that. But perhaps there is a way we can find a balance. Perhaps we can somehow manage to teach the next generation what it truly means to be still and know that He is God. This is my goal. And something very valuable that I learned about when I was a summer missionary.
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