Oppression, Depression . . . Perseverance, Resolution

For the past 6 days my husband has been gone. So that means I’ve been like a single-parent during that time. I salute all the single parents out there, because you have an incredibly hard, taxing job. And for me, since I’m not used to doing this parenting thing on my own, it was a prime time for me to get discouraged, worn down, and beaten up by the enemy. That old “poor me” feeling started creeping back inside my heart. And when I get that way, the extrovert in me starts to shrink back and crave my miserable solitude. How pitiful, you say? You would be right. In my heart I was pathetically giving in to the temptations of self-absorption. I was wallowing in discontent and resisting the Spirit’s leading to press on. And as they say, an unsatisfied soul is a stronghold waiting to happen. Yikes.

But the silver lining in all this was that I actually recognized what was happening. In times past I would have spiraled downward so quickly that I’d be stuck in a pit, and then wondered how in the world I got there. But life (and God!) has taught me many things in the last few years, and I think I am finally beginning to learn from some of my experiences. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you just sit there and “take it” from the enemy (and from yourself) . . . well, absolutely no good will come of it. The path of self-absorption, self-pity, and self-hatred is dark, and it always leads to a terrible, lonely place that is very hard to get out of. The path I should be on is that of Christ, and it always leads to Light, immeasurable blessings, and joy. However, the entrance to this path is constantly terrorized by those who do not want me to enter. Many times I have fearfully listened to the roar of the lion who prowls there, the enemy of my soul. I have shrunk back in defeat more times than I’d like to admit.

But no more.

I have learned that I don’t have to sit there and take it. I have nothing to fear from the hands of the enemy! He who is in me is greater! And He is calling me to stand, to resist, to FIGHT. This enemy is not someone I should turn the other cheek to. He is the one enemy that God actually commands me to fight against. With weapons and armor, no less.

And if I start to feel unworthy or inadequate, the sword of the Spirit quickly reminds me that God chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong. His specialty is using weak, lowly people to accomplish great things. So I must humbly have faith that it is Him who works in me to will and to act according to His purposes.

So as I was making up the kids’ beds this morning, feeling guilty about my spiritual failures lately, but still wishing that God would use me despite myself . . . the Lord reminded me of something my old pastor in Georgia used to say. He said, “Stop asking God to use you – get yourself useable and He will wear you out.” And I am here to tell you that this word is true! Not long after I deliberately stopped my to-do list of the day and sat down with the Lord, He literally plopped an opportunity to be used right into my lap. Today I have been given the chance to minister to someone in need, and boy does it feel good. I believe it is a confirmation from God that He will definitely use a willing, repentant heart, despite my failures. As soon as I started running back towards the path of Christ, He immediately showered me with affirmation and love. And oh, what a love! The love of Christ makes me glad to lay down my own desires. Glad to crucify my “self” for the chance to show love back to Him through service.

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
~ Galatians 6:8-9