The alarm wakes me at 5:45 a.m. This is a recent development. I have never been much of a morning person, but I’ve discovered that if I want to have any type of quiet time or exercise time, I need to get it all done before the kids are awake! Afterwards I get the kids up, fed, and dressed. Then we’re out the door to walk my sweet kindergartener to school.
As we walk, we watch the airplanes fly to and from the not-so-far-away O’Hare International Airport. But we can’t look up too long, because we have to watch where we step – the geese have been here! We talk with our new neighborhood friends along the way, and it’s cool to listen in on the kids’ conversations. The school yard is a beautiful patchwork of children from different ethnicities and nationalities. So far we’ve met families who immigrated from Poland, India, Syria, Armenia, Pakistan, and the Dominican Republic.
After my little guy and I drop his sister off, we hop in the car and head for the grocery store. In the parking lot we see even more evidence of the incredible cultural diversity in Chicagoland. We see a man wearing a turban, and some women with red bindis on their foreheads. We even see seagulls that have flown out to visit the suburbs from Lake Michigan. Once inside, we hear lots of people speaking Spanish. If we’ve decided to visit the library instead of the store, the number of languages we hear is almost countless. Driving home we may pass by a Polish deli, an Indian market, a Muslim mosque, or an authentic Chicago pizzeria.
As soon as we get home we have to turn right back around and walk to pick up my little girl. For the last few months we’ve been bringing home a few extra kiddos as well, a boy and a girl from R’s kindergarten class. They run ahead of me on the sidewalk, eager to have lunch and play. At the lunch table, my real work begins. The rest of my afternoon is spent trying to get chores done around the house while not drifting too far from the kids. If the weather is nice we try to play outside. And I spend the rest of the afternoon fielding questions and hearing comments like: “Is tricking the same thing as lying?” “So-and-so’s not sharing!” “Can we go outside?” “Don’t step on the lines on the kitchen floor! They’re made of lava!” “Can we have a snack?” “Can we have some gum?” “Come on, let’s play!”
When our friends are all gone, we clean up, tackle homework, and have dinner. Perhaps the menu might include R’s “favorite chicken” (a knock-off chicken cordon bleu) or E’s favorite, “chicken ‘n dumplings.” Lately we’ve spent several nights a week watching our little guy play t-ball. I help out with the kids in the dugout while Jeromy mingles with the parents or helps out on the field.
If we don’t have to go anywhere in the evenings, it’s become a tradition of ours to watch something together as a family. We don’t have cable at the moment, so we usually watch DVD’s we’ve rented from Netflix. Recently we’ve started watching “The Cosby Show.” When bedtime arrives, we try to always have a family devotion together, reading the kids a Bible story and praying and singing together. After the kids are all tucked in, Jeromy and I usually turn into vegetables and either read a good book or watch a movie together. Lights are out by 10 or 11 o’clock.
On my bed I remember you [God]; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
~ Psalm 63:6-7
Friday, June 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
God's Ways
Even from childhood I can remember hearing that old saying, “God works in mysterious ways.” But how true and profound I’ve found that to be! I don’t always understand His ways, but I have come to appreciate them.
I wanted to get the kids some new flip-flops for the summer, since they’ve outgrown the ones they wore last year. Now, I know a couple of pairs of flip-flops won’t break the bank, but I just hadn’t found the time or the money to get them yet. Well, last week God blessed the kids with 2 pairs of flip-flops each plus some new clothes and a few other things as well, by way of the mail. He laid it on a dear friend’s heart to get those things for the children. And I didn’t even ask Him for it.
Jeromy and I were just beginning to talk about what we’d like to do in our neighborhood this summer, hoping we could put together some outreach activities but wondering how much we could do by ourselves. Then suddenly, within a week’s time, we found out that we’re getting a summer missionary from Mississippi to stay with us and help us for 10 weeks. Talk about a blessing falling right into our laps!
There are times when God seems so far away, so silent. Times when we beg and plead just to hear His voice again. Even a word of discipline would be welcome, if only we could feel like He was near. Or maybe we’re angry because we feel like He’s forgotten us and let something bad happen. It seems like He’s completely abandoned us. We want to scream into the sky, “God, where are You?!”
Then there are times when He chooses to shower blessings upon us, even when we didn’t ask for them or just plain ol’ don’t deserve them. Sometimes they’re huge, life-altering blessings. And sometimes they’re just little things. Either way, we know that God in His unending goodness and unfailing love, has reached down from His glorious throne to touch our lives in a very personal way. It’s the perfect illustration of His unconditional love.
Today I am thankful for ALL of God’s ways. I am thankful for His blessings right now. And believe it or not, I can finally say that I’m thankful for the low times as well. Because looking back, I can see how coming through those low times actually made me seek Him more, which then resulted in knowing Him more. I can testify to the truth of His promise that He will never leave us or forsake us – even though sometimes it seems like He does. Our God is faithful. And the valleys don’t last forever. And sometimes, in the midst of the valley is where we find the most beautiful flowers and the greenest grass.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
I wanted to get the kids some new flip-flops for the summer, since they’ve outgrown the ones they wore last year. Now, I know a couple of pairs of flip-flops won’t break the bank, but I just hadn’t found the time or the money to get them yet. Well, last week God blessed the kids with 2 pairs of flip-flops each plus some new clothes and a few other things as well, by way of the mail. He laid it on a dear friend’s heart to get those things for the children. And I didn’t even ask Him for it.
Jeromy and I were just beginning to talk about what we’d like to do in our neighborhood this summer, hoping we could put together some outreach activities but wondering how much we could do by ourselves. Then suddenly, within a week’s time, we found out that we’re getting a summer missionary from Mississippi to stay with us and help us for 10 weeks. Talk about a blessing falling right into our laps!
There are times when God seems so far away, so silent. Times when we beg and plead just to hear His voice again. Even a word of discipline would be welcome, if only we could feel like He was near. Or maybe we’re angry because we feel like He’s forgotten us and let something bad happen. It seems like He’s completely abandoned us. We want to scream into the sky, “God, where are You?!”
Then there are times when He chooses to shower blessings upon us, even when we didn’t ask for them or just plain ol’ don’t deserve them. Sometimes they’re huge, life-altering blessings. And sometimes they’re just little things. Either way, we know that God in His unending goodness and unfailing love, has reached down from His glorious throne to touch our lives in a very personal way. It’s the perfect illustration of His unconditional love.
Today I am thankful for ALL of God’s ways. I am thankful for His blessings right now. And believe it or not, I can finally say that I’m thankful for the low times as well. Because looking back, I can see how coming through those low times actually made me seek Him more, which then resulted in knowing Him more. I can testify to the truth of His promise that He will never leave us or forsake us – even though sometimes it seems like He does. Our God is faithful. And the valleys don’t last forever. And sometimes, in the midst of the valley is where we find the most beautiful flowers and the greenest grass.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A Love - Hate Relationship
In my effort to be transparent, today I’m sharing something personal that I struggle with. And something that I think a lot of Christians struggle with – walking daily with my Savior. Growing up in church, I was taught that you should pray and read your Bible every day. For a long time that just seemed like a set of rules to me. And honestly it didn’t seem all that appealing. That is, until I came to know Jesus Christ in a more personal way. In college I finally made a real connection with Christ, and since then I have experienced God in such ways I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit resides in me. And I have heard His still, small voice.
Sadly though, despite the indescribable awesomeness of knowing Him and knowing that I’m saved . . . I still manage to turn away from Him at times and even completely neglect Him. What’s so hard to fathom is WHY I continue to fall into this pattern. It’s a cycle of highs and lows, closeness and distance. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: you’re still human! But here’s my argument: I’m supposed to be a new creation! I have the desire to be close to my Lord, but my actions are revealing something else.
Just to clarify, I’m not saying that I need to be legalistic about my time with Him. I’m not talking about just doing religion. The expectation I have for myself is to pray without ceasing, to hide God’s Word in my heart, to ever have my First Love on my mind and heart. I’m talking about avoiding becoming lukewarm! I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. In my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched woman I am!
So that’s where I was last night – a mindset of self-hatred. I was beating myself up for being so selfish toward my Lord. I was hating my Self. And then I remembered something I had heard one day, that self-hatred is actually a form of pride. It was then that I realized I don’t actually hate myself at all. I love myself too much. I often love my Self more than my Lord. So how do I remedy this? Lord, what do I do? How do I reconcile my feelings and human nature with Your Truth?
And then I heard that still, small voice again. “Jessica, it’s a daily thing. If anyone would come after me, he must DENY HIMSELF and take up his cross DAILY and follow me. My compassions never fail, they are new EVERY MORNING. My Holy Spirit hasn’t just changed your life . . . I can change your DAY. Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed with having a perfectly ordered spiritual walk. Just give each day to me. See each day as the perfect day to start again. Remember, I am slow to anger and abounding in love. And I will never give up on you.”
Thank You, Father. I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy! Hallelujah!
Sadly though, despite the indescribable awesomeness of knowing Him and knowing that I’m saved . . . I still manage to turn away from Him at times and even completely neglect Him. What’s so hard to fathom is WHY I continue to fall into this pattern. It’s a cycle of highs and lows, closeness and distance. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: you’re still human! But here’s my argument: I’m supposed to be a new creation! I have the desire to be close to my Lord, but my actions are revealing something else.
Just to clarify, I’m not saying that I need to be legalistic about my time with Him. I’m not talking about just doing religion. The expectation I have for myself is to pray without ceasing, to hide God’s Word in my heart, to ever have my First Love on my mind and heart. I’m talking about avoiding becoming lukewarm! I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. In my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched woman I am!
So that’s where I was last night – a mindset of self-hatred. I was beating myself up for being so selfish toward my Lord. I was hating my Self. And then I remembered something I had heard one day, that self-hatred is actually a form of pride. It was then that I realized I don’t actually hate myself at all. I love myself too much. I often love my Self more than my Lord. So how do I remedy this? Lord, what do I do? How do I reconcile my feelings and human nature with Your Truth?
And then I heard that still, small voice again. “Jessica, it’s a daily thing. If anyone would come after me, he must DENY HIMSELF and take up his cross DAILY and follow me. My compassions never fail, they are new EVERY MORNING. My Holy Spirit hasn’t just changed your life . . . I can change your DAY. Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed with having a perfectly ordered spiritual walk. Just give each day to me. See each day as the perfect day to start again. Remember, I am slow to anger and abounding in love. And I will never give up on you.”
Thank You, Father. I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy! Hallelujah!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Vision, Part 2
As I write this, Jeromy is meeting with a group of people to prayer walk on a college campus nearby. This week the Lord has brought at least four different mission teams to the area, that we know of. We are connected with the local leaders who are hosting the mission teams, and they have graciously scheduled some of the teams’ time to come work with us. The bulk of their time with us will be today, with one group here in the morning and one in the afternoon. It is an exciting day for us!
We met some of the groups Sunday morning, as we had been invited to join them for worship near downtown Chicago. Little did we know that the neighborhood where the church is located (which is also where the mission teams are being housed for the week) does not have the greatest reputation. After the service the teams had an orientation time where they learned about the area and all that they will be doing while here. The local leader shared about the neighborhood, and told of a recent occurrence where the church members were afraid to go into the building because a group of gang members was loitering on their front stoop. I also noticed a flyer posted on a light pole outside that said “Neighborhood Alert.” The flyer stated that people should be aware of recent assaults in the area that had taken place in broad daylight, between the hours of 3:30-6:30 p.m. The assailants were described as a group of 14-18 year olds. Of course, while we were there we didn’t see anything that looked even remotely dangerous. And the mission teams are large enough that if they travel in groups they should be fine. But please pray for their safety this week. I share all this just to give you a better understanding of the kind of spiritual warfare and obstacles there are here in Chicagoland.
But despite the obstacles, there are victories happening all the time! Last night Jeromy was privileged to help bring the message at one of the services held at the Pacific Garden Mission in downtown Chicago. He goes with a group once a month to do that. The Mission (PGM) has been in existence for over a hundred years, and primarily reaches out to the homeless of Chicago. (You can find out more about them here: http://www.pgm.org/ ) Some students from the visiting mission teams went to help out, and Jeromy said it was amazing to watch them just dive into it. They all boldly shared with individuals, and some of them even shared in the larger group setting. By the end of the night, at least three people professed new faith in Jesus Christ! And one of them was so on fire already, that he stood up to testify about it. Praise God!
So, you may be wondering about the prayer walks happening on the college campus today. There will be groups prayer walking on other college campuses this week as well. They will also be surveying students that they meet, and possibly even witnessing as the Lord leads them. The local leader who arranged for all these mission teams to come, shares our heart for reaching students on college campuses. College is a pivotal time in most people’s lives. If you were privileged enough to attend college yourself, then you will probably agree with me wholeheartedly. As I heard someone say yesterday, college students (if they haven’t already been jaded by life) are usually very open, almost searching. It’s a time when they are thinking about the future, and making decisions about careers, marriage, who they really are, and what they believe. Many paths lay before them, and they must choose which way they will go.
In the Chicagoland area, there are over HALF A MILLION college students. And if that statistic isn’t awesome enough, over 20,000 of them are international students. Many of them will be going back to their home countries after graduating. Imagine the possible global impact for Christ if we can reach those international students with the gospel while they are here in our backyard! Imagine the possible impact on THIS COUNTRY if we can reach our own young people with the gospel!
Jeromy and I both have a special place in our hearts for the people who influenced us for Christ while we were in college. It was during that time that we both came to know what it truly means to have a real, authentic, growing relationship with Jesus. And we can both look back and see how our lives were changed so dramatically for the better. If we hadn’t had those experiences with the Lord in college, we would be very different people right now. Because of this, God has given us a burden for college students. Those who don’t know the Lord yet need to meet Him. And those who do know Him need to be encouraged and discipled.
So in response to this burden, we are striving to do what the Lord would have us do, and we’re taking one step at a time. The first step was to identify the first campus we want to reach. It is called Harper College. The second step we’ve taken is prayer. Jeromy has already been to visit the campus numerous times and has prayer walked on his own there, studied in the library, etc. Next, we contacted the one ministry that is already on campus, Campus Crusade for Christ. They have only been working there for a few semesters, and they are very open to having us come alongside them in an effort to reach the students for Christ. So we believe that God has already provided us with a person of peace there. Today’s visits are the next step. We aren’t sure exactly what the end result will look like, but our main goal is to find ways to plant the seeds of the gospel all over that campus, and establish an ongoing ministry there.
Please pray for this campus and all the students who attend classes there, as well as the faculty and other workers. Please pray for the teams who will be on campus today, that they will be bold, that there will be nothing hindering them, and that they might even have some opportunities to see God do something amazing today. Please also pray for the mission teams who are here this week, and for everything else they will be doing while here. Thank You, Lord, for sending workers into the field for harvest!
We met some of the groups Sunday morning, as we had been invited to join them for worship near downtown Chicago. Little did we know that the neighborhood where the church is located (which is also where the mission teams are being housed for the week) does not have the greatest reputation. After the service the teams had an orientation time where they learned about the area and all that they will be doing while here. The local leader shared about the neighborhood, and told of a recent occurrence where the church members were afraid to go into the building because a group of gang members was loitering on their front stoop. I also noticed a flyer posted on a light pole outside that said “Neighborhood Alert.” The flyer stated that people should be aware of recent assaults in the area that had taken place in broad daylight, between the hours of 3:30-6:30 p.m. The assailants were described as a group of 14-18 year olds. Of course, while we were there we didn’t see anything that looked even remotely dangerous. And the mission teams are large enough that if they travel in groups they should be fine. But please pray for their safety this week. I share all this just to give you a better understanding of the kind of spiritual warfare and obstacles there are here in Chicagoland.
But despite the obstacles, there are victories happening all the time! Last night Jeromy was privileged to help bring the message at one of the services held at the Pacific Garden Mission in downtown Chicago. He goes with a group once a month to do that. The Mission (PGM) has been in existence for over a hundred years, and primarily reaches out to the homeless of Chicago. (You can find out more about them here: http://www.pgm.org/ ) Some students from the visiting mission teams went to help out, and Jeromy said it was amazing to watch them just dive into it. They all boldly shared with individuals, and some of them even shared in the larger group setting. By the end of the night, at least three people professed new faith in Jesus Christ! And one of them was so on fire already, that he stood up to testify about it. Praise God!
So, you may be wondering about the prayer walks happening on the college campus today. There will be groups prayer walking on other college campuses this week as well. They will also be surveying students that they meet, and possibly even witnessing as the Lord leads them. The local leader who arranged for all these mission teams to come, shares our heart for reaching students on college campuses. College is a pivotal time in most people’s lives. If you were privileged enough to attend college yourself, then you will probably agree with me wholeheartedly. As I heard someone say yesterday, college students (if they haven’t already been jaded by life) are usually very open, almost searching. It’s a time when they are thinking about the future, and making decisions about careers, marriage, who they really are, and what they believe. Many paths lay before them, and they must choose which way they will go.
In the Chicagoland area, there are over HALF A MILLION college students. And if that statistic isn’t awesome enough, over 20,000 of them are international students. Many of them will be going back to their home countries after graduating. Imagine the possible global impact for Christ if we can reach those international students with the gospel while they are here in our backyard! Imagine the possible impact on THIS COUNTRY if we can reach our own young people with the gospel!
Jeromy and I both have a special place in our hearts for the people who influenced us for Christ while we were in college. It was during that time that we both came to know what it truly means to have a real, authentic, growing relationship with Jesus. And we can both look back and see how our lives were changed so dramatically for the better. If we hadn’t had those experiences with the Lord in college, we would be very different people right now. Because of this, God has given us a burden for college students. Those who don’t know the Lord yet need to meet Him. And those who do know Him need to be encouraged and discipled.
So in response to this burden, we are striving to do what the Lord would have us do, and we’re taking one step at a time. The first step was to identify the first campus we want to reach. It is called Harper College. The second step we’ve taken is prayer. Jeromy has already been to visit the campus numerous times and has prayer walked on his own there, studied in the library, etc. Next, we contacted the one ministry that is already on campus, Campus Crusade for Christ. They have only been working there for a few semesters, and they are very open to having us come alongside them in an effort to reach the students for Christ. So we believe that God has already provided us with a person of peace there. Today’s visits are the next step. We aren’t sure exactly what the end result will look like, but our main goal is to find ways to plant the seeds of the gospel all over that campus, and establish an ongoing ministry there.
Please pray for this campus and all the students who attend classes there, as well as the faculty and other workers. Please pray for the teams who will be on campus today, that they will be bold, that there will be nothing hindering them, and that they might even have some opportunities to see God do something amazing today. Please also pray for the mission teams who are here this week, and for everything else they will be doing while here. Thank You, Lord, for sending workers into the field for harvest!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Oppression, Depression . . . Perseverance, Resolution
For the past 6 days my husband has been gone. So that means I’ve been like a single-parent during that time. I salute all the single parents out there, because you have an incredibly hard, taxing job. And for me, since I’m not used to doing this parenting thing on my own, it was a prime time for me to get discouraged, worn down, and beaten up by the enemy. That old “poor me” feeling started creeping back inside my heart. And when I get that way, the extrovert in me starts to shrink back and crave my miserable solitude. How pitiful, you say? You would be right. In my heart I was pathetically giving in to the temptations of self-absorption. I was wallowing in discontent and resisting the Spirit’s leading to press on. And as they say, an unsatisfied soul is a stronghold waiting to happen. Yikes.
But the silver lining in all this was that I actually recognized what was happening. In times past I would have spiraled downward so quickly that I’d be stuck in a pit, and then wondered how in the world I got there. But life (and God!) has taught me many things in the last few years, and I think I am finally beginning to learn from some of my experiences. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you just sit there and “take it” from the enemy (and from yourself) . . . well, absolutely no good will come of it. The path of self-absorption, self-pity, and self-hatred is dark, and it always leads to a terrible, lonely place that is very hard to get out of. The path I should be on is that of Christ, and it always leads to Light, immeasurable blessings, and joy. However, the entrance to this path is constantly terrorized by those who do not want me to enter. Many times I have fearfully listened to the roar of the lion who prowls there, the enemy of my soul. I have shrunk back in defeat more times than I’d like to admit.
But no more.
I have learned that I don’t have to sit there and take it. I have nothing to fear from the hands of the enemy! He who is in me is greater! And He is calling me to stand, to resist, to FIGHT. This enemy is not someone I should turn the other cheek to. He is the one enemy that God actually commands me to fight against. With weapons and armor, no less.
And if I start to feel unworthy or inadequate, the sword of the Spirit quickly reminds me that God chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong. His specialty is using weak, lowly people to accomplish great things. So I must humbly have faith that it is Him who works in me to will and to act according to His purposes.
So as I was making up the kids’ beds this morning, feeling guilty about my spiritual failures lately, but still wishing that God would use me despite myself . . . the Lord reminded me of something my old pastor in Georgia used to say. He said, “Stop asking God to use you – get yourself useable and He will wear you out.” And I am here to tell you that this word is true! Not long after I deliberately stopped my to-do list of the day and sat down with the Lord, He literally plopped an opportunity to be used right into my lap. Today I have been given the chance to minister to someone in need, and boy does it feel good. I believe it is a confirmation from God that He will definitely use a willing, repentant heart, despite my failures. As soon as I started running back towards the path of Christ, He immediately showered me with affirmation and love. And oh, what a love! The love of Christ makes me glad to lay down my own desires. Glad to crucify my “self” for the chance to show love back to Him through service.
The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
~ Galatians 6:8-9
But the silver lining in all this was that I actually recognized what was happening. In times past I would have spiraled downward so quickly that I’d be stuck in a pit, and then wondered how in the world I got there. But life (and God!) has taught me many things in the last few years, and I think I am finally beginning to learn from some of my experiences. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you just sit there and “take it” from the enemy (and from yourself) . . . well, absolutely no good will come of it. The path of self-absorption, self-pity, and self-hatred is dark, and it always leads to a terrible, lonely place that is very hard to get out of. The path I should be on is that of Christ, and it always leads to Light, immeasurable blessings, and joy. However, the entrance to this path is constantly terrorized by those who do not want me to enter. Many times I have fearfully listened to the roar of the lion who prowls there, the enemy of my soul. I have shrunk back in defeat more times than I’d like to admit.
But no more.
I have learned that I don’t have to sit there and take it. I have nothing to fear from the hands of the enemy! He who is in me is greater! And He is calling me to stand, to resist, to FIGHT. This enemy is not someone I should turn the other cheek to. He is the one enemy that God actually commands me to fight against. With weapons and armor, no less.
And if I start to feel unworthy or inadequate, the sword of the Spirit quickly reminds me that God chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong. His specialty is using weak, lowly people to accomplish great things. So I must humbly have faith that it is Him who works in me to will and to act according to His purposes.
So as I was making up the kids’ beds this morning, feeling guilty about my spiritual failures lately, but still wishing that God would use me despite myself . . . the Lord reminded me of something my old pastor in Georgia used to say. He said, “Stop asking God to use you – get yourself useable and He will wear you out.” And I am here to tell you that this word is true! Not long after I deliberately stopped my to-do list of the day and sat down with the Lord, He literally plopped an opportunity to be used right into my lap. Today I have been given the chance to minister to someone in need, and boy does it feel good. I believe it is a confirmation from God that He will definitely use a willing, repentant heart, despite my failures. As soon as I started running back towards the path of Christ, He immediately showered me with affirmation and love. And oh, what a love! The love of Christ makes me glad to lay down my own desires. Glad to crucify my “self” for the chance to show love back to Him through service.
The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
~ Galatians 6:8-9
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Brutal Honesty
Just in case anyone out there has any lofty ideas about minister’s wives . . . or about Christians for that matter -- we’re still human, and we still sin.
Today I told a lie. To a complete stranger. For no good reason. I lied to a sales lady about why I wasn’t going to buy a particular item. There were a million other truthful things I could have said in response to her question. But instead I lied. Almost immediately I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Some people might think that a little lie like that is no big deal. Especially because I’ll probably never see that woman again. But God’s purpose for believers is to be holy. Obviously that will never truly happen while I’m still on this earth. I’m already tainted with sin. I was born into it. But I’m supposed to strive for holiness. Believers in Christ have been given a new nature, born again, with the counsel of the Holy Spirit constantly accessible. We are called to repent of our sin, to turn away from it and pursue righteousness. And I failed to do that this morning.
I confessed my sin to the Lord on the way home, agreeing with Him that what I did was wrong. I actually cried about it. (Maybe that was a little basketcase-like.) And as I sat there simmering in self-hatred and beating myself up over it, feeling like a total failure as a “missionary,” the Lord reminded me that I need to accept His forgiveness. And then move forward. And that means being more conscious of my responses to people in the future. More deliberate about always being honest. Not worrying about what other people think. Not being ashamed or uncomfortable when I’m approached with a question.
Isn’t the Lord good? He doesn’t want us to let guilt weigh us down. But at the same time, He does discipline us, convict us of our sins, and command us to be different from the world. The ultimate reason for His discipline is that we will be restored into fellowship with Him. It’s His kindness that leads to repentance . . . which leads to reconciliation with God.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.... When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:18-19, 21, 24-25)
Today I told a lie. To a complete stranger. For no good reason. I lied to a sales lady about why I wasn’t going to buy a particular item. There were a million other truthful things I could have said in response to her question. But instead I lied. Almost immediately I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Some people might think that a little lie like that is no big deal. Especially because I’ll probably never see that woman again. But God’s purpose for believers is to be holy. Obviously that will never truly happen while I’m still on this earth. I’m already tainted with sin. I was born into it. But I’m supposed to strive for holiness. Believers in Christ have been given a new nature, born again, with the counsel of the Holy Spirit constantly accessible. We are called to repent of our sin, to turn away from it and pursue righteousness. And I failed to do that this morning.
I confessed my sin to the Lord on the way home, agreeing with Him that what I did was wrong. I actually cried about it. (Maybe that was a little basketcase-like.) And as I sat there simmering in self-hatred and beating myself up over it, feeling like a total failure as a “missionary,” the Lord reminded me that I need to accept His forgiveness. And then move forward. And that means being more conscious of my responses to people in the future. More deliberate about always being honest. Not worrying about what other people think. Not being ashamed or uncomfortable when I’m approached with a question.
Isn’t the Lord good? He doesn’t want us to let guilt weigh us down. But at the same time, He does discipline us, convict us of our sins, and command us to be different from the world. The ultimate reason for His discipline is that we will be restored into fellowship with Him. It’s His kindness that leads to repentance . . . which leads to reconciliation with God.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.... When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:18-19, 21, 24-25)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Just Enough
Not long ago, the furnace in our house was giving us trouble . . . again. It hadn’t seemed to be running right since we moved in, but our landlord had sent a fix-it man who made it run like new again. Things were going well for several weeks when suddenly it just wouldn’t turn on. We knew we had to get it fixed ASAP because it was going to be below freezing that night. We needed heat! So at 11pm the fix-it man came back. But the problem was very different this time. We have a gas furnace, and it turned out that a bird had fallen into the exhaust chute on the roof, and it was keeping the fan from moving. I couldn’t believe it. How strange! I was sad (and a little weirded out) at first. But almost immediately this Scripture passage came to mind: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. . . . So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29, 31)
As if it weren’t enough that God knew about that bird dying . . . since that incident, the Lord has continually reminded me of the latter part of the above passage. I am worth more than many sparrows. And God cares about the sparrows!
This truth has been something for me to hang onto in recent days, especially when I began to sink into worry and fretting about finances. Money is tight for everyone these days. So I know I’m not the only one who frets over the numbers in the family checkbook. And the bills stacked up on the desk. Especially the unexpected ones.
But now I need to testify about the Lord. Testify to His goodness, unending love, and miraculous provision. God used several friends this Christmas to meet some of our needs. In His perfect timing, God placed it on certain people’s hearts to give us a gift. A generous gift. Even an anonymous gift. How did they know that we really needed a little something extra this month? How did they know how much to give? When to send it? I believe the answer to all of those questions is: the Lord.
The best part is, the gifts were just enough. Just enough to bless us, but not make us rich. Just enough to meet some needs, yet keep us continually depending on God. A huge thank you to those who gave. May the Lord bless you abundantly in return. For you are worth more than many sparrows!
Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. (Prov. 15:16-17 NIV)
A simple life in the fear of God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches. Better a bread crust shared in love than a slab of prime rib served in hate. (Prov. 15:16-17 The Message)
As if it weren’t enough that God knew about that bird dying . . . since that incident, the Lord has continually reminded me of the latter part of the above passage. I am worth more than many sparrows. And God cares about the sparrows!
This truth has been something for me to hang onto in recent days, especially when I began to sink into worry and fretting about finances. Money is tight for everyone these days. So I know I’m not the only one who frets over the numbers in the family checkbook. And the bills stacked up on the desk. Especially the unexpected ones.
But now I need to testify about the Lord. Testify to His goodness, unending love, and miraculous provision. God used several friends this Christmas to meet some of our needs. In His perfect timing, God placed it on certain people’s hearts to give us a gift. A generous gift. Even an anonymous gift. How did they know that we really needed a little something extra this month? How did they know how much to give? When to send it? I believe the answer to all of those questions is: the Lord.
The best part is, the gifts were just enough. Just enough to bless us, but not make us rich. Just enough to meet some needs, yet keep us continually depending on God. A huge thank you to those who gave. May the Lord bless you abundantly in return. For you are worth more than many sparrows!
Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. (Prov. 15:16-17 NIV)
A simple life in the fear of God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches. Better a bread crust shared in love than a slab of prime rib served in hate. (Prov. 15:16-17 The Message)
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